Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
