she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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