Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize