i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
