she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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