I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
