two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
