sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
