I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
