remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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