what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
