i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
