i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
