I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
