If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize