I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
