I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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