I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
