the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like eating out sand paper
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
