remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
