its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
