did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Alive.
So much puke
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
