At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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