You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize