Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
