You can't special order awesome
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
