Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
