You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize