He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
