Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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