Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
