you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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