Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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