I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize