I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
