Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
After last night, I could never be a politician.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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