We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
