i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
