marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize