Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
