I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
