Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
