My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
