All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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