We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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