I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
