hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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