quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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