What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
