You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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