Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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