I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
