Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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