brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
