So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
