then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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