I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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