i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
