You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
