i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
