ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
