Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
