I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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