She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
