So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
