I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
