I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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