Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
