Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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